Ok, folks, it's time for a dose of reality. A lot of Jaida's posts are fun and maybe even silly at times, which makes sense because she is a fun and silly gal...she writes as she sees things.
Her moms sometimes see these ordeals quite differently, and I think it's important to recognize this aspect of caring for a special-needs animal along with the fun-ness and silliness. Truth be told, Jaida's moms are starting to feel pretty rough around the edges right now.
There is a lot of fear. Fear of the unknown. Why did she get so sick last week? Could it happen again? Could it have been prevented? Is there some horrible underlying chronic or congenital issue lurking somewhere? What's going to happen next time? Are we going to be able to deal with it emotionally and financially? What if her front leg doesn't heal properly? There are a lot of "what ifs" floating around.
There is also guilt. About not doing enough, about missing signs of sickness or not responding fast enough. There is guilt about feeling tired and at times dispairing, because none of it is Jaida's fault.
Of course, the reason we are so scared and feel guilty is because we love her so much. This little pup is our baby. We have other animals who we love dearly, of course, but they are the result of a "blended family" (2 were Crystal's and 2 were Kims). Jaida is the first to be OURS. This makes her a little special. We love her so much it hurts sometimes, and the thought of her getting sick again, or worse, is hard to bear. The thought of not being able to do anything about it is terrible too (either because there's simply nothing to be done, or because our resources run out - we're trying so hard to raise funds right now to prevent that, but still). Our lives are fairly consumed with her. We are her caretakers, and she depends on us for everything, more so than a "normal" pet because of her disability. We are feeling tired and worn out, and perhaps even close to a breaking point. I have heard from other pet caretakers that they have felt this too.
But inevitably, something so sweet happens that you forget about all this, if only for a just a moment.
Like this morning. Jaida came tromping and bumping up the stairs and ended up on the bed, as usual. She snuggled in, and draped her leg over mummy Kim's neck and nuzzled her head in close, just hugging. My eyes are tearing up thinking about this, because it was just so ... nice. A sweet, beautiful, quiet moment where everyone was feeling ok. If only for a moment.
Hopefully there will come a time when these kinds of moments will outweigh all the fear and worry and guilt, and we will be able to relax and just enjoy our beautiful girl. In the meantime, we will simply do what we can, and love her through it all.
Friday, April 13, 2007