Disappointment, decisions and...dirtyness :-)

Crystal here.

What a whirlwind. Friday: we arrived at the vet's office for Jaida's pre-op consultation, only to discover that a booking error had scheduled us in to see the WRONG VET!!! As much as we like Dr. Currie (she actually saw Jaida during her first two days and was great), she knew nothing of Jaida's amputation, the prosthesis option, or anything. She was able to show us an old orthotic support made for another client's dog, but didn't know much about it. It was really disappointing, and extremely hard to go home without answers to our questions and "the decision" still unresolved.

Our strong desire to get this monkey off our backs (plus a couple of cold beers) kept us talking for most of that evening, and we've made a decision:

Jaida will have a partial amputation, and we will have a prosthesis made for her after she heals. There. It's done.

We figure this way we will have provided Jaida with every opportunity, we will have explored and pursued all options, and the worst possible outcome would be another surgery and/or some money down the toilet if Jaida refuses to wear the device. If, however, it all works out, Jaida will have a new crutch that will slow or prevent wear on the joints of her good legs. The decision is made, so now we just have to deal with the pre-surgical nerves, of which there are plenty - eek.

So, with this out of the way, we threw ourselves into enjoying a beautiful, sunny, warm weekend with Jaida and Graice. Kim actually treated the girls to a "day out" before our vet appointment. They got a big, long car ride (Gracie's favourite, and Jaida even likes them now too), went to visit Kim's co-workers, then stopped at a pet store where Gracie spotted a bald guinea-pig she really wanted to *ahem* meet (maybe just have a little taste?). Then off to ANOTHER pet store where miss Jaida promptly selected a pig's ear from the shelf and headed for the door. This act of thievery was cute enough to score her some extra cookies from the cashier. On the way home from the vet, Gracie made friends with a construction worker who stopped us to allow some vehicles to pass. The woman leaned over to speak through the open car window, and was surprised by a very enthusiastic and very wet kiss from Gracie! The look on her face was priceless, but she was a good sport about Gracie's forwardness.

Saturday was glorious, so we started it off with a long walk in the woods....

...and, of course, MUD (what would a fun weekend be without mud?)... (there are hazards associated with closeup photography of boo-boo leg mudpuppies:) ...and we followed up the muddy fun with a nice dip in the creek... Hopefully we'll be able to enjoy a few more fun-filled days before the surgery this Thursday. Here is a portait of Jaida with all four legs, possibly one of the last we'll take:

It may sound strange, but we're so used to her little leg the way it is, and her with it...we're going to miss her little boo-boo foot.

Fun and games.

Crystal here.

It's been a quiet week consisting of rain, rain, clouds, rain, and more rain. The girls have more or less been stuck inside, with the odd romp in the woods thrown in between showers. Gracie's pretty cool about having some low-key days (she, like her mums, appreciates a good nap and a little down time). Jaida, however, has a tendency to get beansy but knows how to keep herself entertained.

She has the most utterly ridiculous and hilarious moments of puppy craziness...dashing around the hardwood floors (which really do lend themselves to a certain degree of comedy when it comes to animals), legs flying everywhere, eyes rolling, crashing into tables and couches, ears back, big wide toothy grin and floppy tongue, squealing and panting and groaning and chasing anything that moves...when it's Gracie she's chasing there are usually some great stop-drop-and-barrel-rolls thrown into the mix when Gracie chases back.

Kim and I usually sit back and watch these episodes half-collapsed with the giggles...they're so frikin' cute and funny. We'll have to try to capture it on film some day...

As for Jaida's Journey, we're kind of in limbo right now...it's a waiting game. Waiting for her pre-op appointment this Friday. Waiting until the final decision is made in terms of how we will proceed with her surgery and prosthesis (this aspect continues to be a bit of a roller-coaster ride). Waiting for the surgery itself. For the recovery period and everything that entails. For the time that she's feeling better and we can settle into a comfortable routine once again. It's a weird, quiet place to be...yet somehow whirling and frantic at the same time.

I think Kim and I are both determined to make "THE" decision this Friday during Jaida's pre-op . Personally, it's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to be involved with. Just when I think it's a no-brainer (one way or the other), I start second guessing everything again. Hopefully, with the guidance of Jaida's trusted veterinarian, Dr. Sparling, we'll be able conclude this particular chapter to everybody's satisfaction. We'll let you all know how things turn out.

A dose of reality.

Crystal here.

Ok, folks, it's time for a dose of reality. A lot of Jaida's posts are fun and maybe even silly at times, which makes sense because she is a fun and silly gal...she writes as she sees things.

Her moms sometimes see these ordeals quite differently, and I think it's important to recognize this aspect of caring for a special-needs animal along with the fun-ness and silliness. Truth be told, Jaida's moms are starting to feel pretty rough around the edges right now.

There is a lot of fear. Fear of the unknown. Why did she get so sick last week? Could it happen again? Could it have been prevented? Is there some horrible underlying chronic or congenital issue lurking somewhere? What's going to happen next time? Are we going to be able to deal with it emotionally and financially? What if her front leg doesn't heal properly? There are a lot of "what ifs" floating around.

There is also guilt. About not doing enough, about missing signs of sickness or not responding fast enough. There is guilt about feeling tired and at times dispairing, because none of it is Jaida's fault.

Of course, the reason we are so scared and feel guilty is because we love her so much. This little pup is our baby. We have other animals who we love dearly, of course, but they are the result of a "blended family" (2 were Crystal's and 2 were Kims). Jaida is the first to be OURS. This makes her a little special. We love her so much it hurts sometimes, and the thought of her getting sick again, or worse, is hard to bear. The thought of not being able to do anything about it is terrible too (either because there's simply nothing to be done, or because our resources run out - we're trying so hard to raise funds right now to prevent that, but still). Our lives are fairly consumed with her. We are her caretakers, and she depends on us for everything, more so than a "normal" pet because of her disability. We are feeling tired and worn out, and perhaps even close to a breaking point. I have heard from other pet caretakers that they have felt this too.

But inevitably, something so sweet happens that you forget about all this, if only for a just a moment.

Like this morning. Jaida came tromping and bumping up the stairs and ended up on the bed, as usual. She snuggled in, and draped her leg over mummy Kim's neck and nuzzled her head in close, just hugging. My eyes are tearing up thinking about this, because it was just so ... nice. A sweet, beautiful, quiet moment where everyone was feeling ok. If only for a moment.

Hopefully there will come a time when these kinds of moments will outweigh all the fear and worry and guilt, and we will be able to relax and just enjoy our beautiful girl. In the meantime, we will simply do what we can, and love her through it all.